Russian Roulette
by Pensieve000
Summary: [ET] He didn't have enough courage to tell her how he felt. Now, ten years later, returning to the town where it all started, he has to try and do what he couldn’t before. Only now, she’s getting married. RR
1. Invitation

[ET] He made a gamble ten years before leaving Japan when he didn't tell her his feelings. Returning to the town where it all started, he has to try and do what he couldn't before. But now, she's getting married. RR

If you review, good comments and constructive (I repeat: CONSTRUCTIVE) criticism are encouraged.

I think this is about the 3rd time I've had to reload this chapter because of errors!! My stupidity is so...so...arrrggg!!! Anyway, I forgot to change the reference to Touya in this chapter, so now its fixed. He wasn't even supposed to be here! TT

**Disclaimer**: CLAMP owns Cardcaptor Sakura, not me. I'm too poor. TT…

Chapter One: Invitation

Eriol Hiiragizawa, a 24-year old young man, was staring frustrated at the white card in his hands.

_You are cordially invited to the wedding of:_

_Junshi Akushiro and..._

He didn't want to believe it. He read the name at the bottom over and over again.

Tomoyo Daidouji 

It was true. Everything Syaoran said to him earlier was true. Eriol's 'cute little descendant' warned him that something bad was going to happen, and that he should have returned to Japan to prevent it.

And yet, he didn't

Everyone urged him to tell her before he left Japan to return to go back to England.

Again, he didn't. Another mistake. It had been over ten years of anxiety. He was so lonely, but not because Nakuru and Spinel stayed in Japan. He told them to watch somebody, to make sure she was safe. It was because _she_ wasn't there. Eriol yearned to see her now, he wanted to see the violet eyes that once looked at him with so much care, and possibly, love. But now, it was too late. He lost her to someone else. He lost his chance to be with her.

It seemed now that the reincarnation of Clow Reed, one of the most powerful sorcerers of all time, was near powerless to accomplishing the thing he wanted to do most. He needed to stop the wedding, but how? Eriol didn't want to get Tomoyo mad at him for crashing her wedding. She would probably hate him for eternity. To him, the world was practically coming to an end. His only options relevant to the wedding were:

1. NOT attend, let them get married and never have a second chance with Tomoyo again

Or

2. Return to Japan, crash the wedding, and have Tomoyo mad him for most of the remainder of his life.

Damn, it was a lose-lose situation.

"Syaoran," Eriol called walking over to his desk.

"Is there something wrong Hiiragizawa?" His best friend came to visit him to help sort out the wedding ordeal.

"Do you believe in fate?" Eriol opened a drawer, and Syaoran eyed him suspiciously.

"Yes, I do. I would never have met Sakura if I didn't." the he replied, confused why this question was brought up in the first place.

"I've been undecided since I received the—invitation. And I have finally found a solution." Syaoran's eyes went wide as he saw what Eriol pull out of the desk.

A pistol. With bullets.

"Are you crazy Hiirigizawa!? Killing yourself just because you can't decide?"

"Who said I was going to kill myself?"

Syaoran breathed out a sigh of relief. Eriol, kill himself?

"Well not exactly anyway. This pistol is just the thing that is going to help me decide," Eriol continued. Syaoran just gulped loudly.

This was not good news.

"How?" Syaoran asked hesitant, he wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

"5 bullets, one blank. If I'm meant to crash the wedding, to confess to Tomoyo, then I'll live. But if I'm not, and Junshi is meant to be with her, I won't be able to bother them. Ever." Eriol smiled at how straightforward the plan was as he was loading the bullets. But he wouldn't be surprised if he were actually insane.

Syaoran went red with anger. "DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH!? OR ARE YOU JUST LOOKING FOR ANY REASON TO DIE!?!"

Eriol ignored him, "Maybe I should aim toward my chest; I want to look good for my funeral..."

"Listen to me Hiiragizawa! Are you sure this is a good idea?!"

By now, Syaoran was completely tuned out, "But I want the cover to be closed, so it won't really matter..." He spun barrel in preparation.

All his descendant could do was stand there and hope that there would be two people standing in the room after whole predicament. Eriol started counting.

"One..." The cold, metal pistol moved over to his throat.

"Two..." It clicked, signaling that it was ready to fire.

Eriol closed his eyes, and thought of Tomoyo for what could be his last time. She had infinite kindness and warmth...the scent of lavenders that followed her everywhere, and those beautiful amethyst eyes. Eriol wish that her image would burn into his mind—it was the one thing he wanted to remember before he died, and Eriol wanted to see her, just one last time…

"Three..."

TBC 

Yeah, I know, this chapter is short. I actually made this chapter a long time ago, but posted it after finally getting around to revising it. So if you have any ideas, include them in a review! Btw, the bullet thing came from a game my brother was playing online. But instead of there being one bullet, there are five! Slim chances make things so exciting! Another thing: the title just came up as an idea from the first chapter. It might change because I want it to be relevant to the plot [which, by the way, is still being developed]. I'm not one to discontinue a fic, because I don't like it when people do. So even IF you shun, flame, and tell me to do so later, I'll still finish it. For those of you who've read this fic before I corrected the terrible mistake of putting Tomoyo and Touya together, I've corrected it [I honestly think I was on something during the time. jk!]. That's all for now, so drag your mouse to the review button below!


	2. Getting Acquainted

**Disclaimer**: Oi! S'more reviews sir? If I owned CCS, I wouldn't need to beg for reviews! I don't own CCS…CLAMP does…

Previous Chapter:

Eriol closed his eyes, and thought of Tomoyo for what could be his last time. She had infinite kindness, warmth, and innocence...the scent of lavenders that followed her everywhere, and those beautiful amethyst eyes. Eriol wish that her image would burn into his mind, because it was the one thing he wanted to remember before he died, and Eriol wanted to have her in his arms again...

"Three..."

Chapter 2: Getting Acquainted

_Click_ was the only sound that could be heard in the library of the Hiirigizawa Manor in England.

Eriol opened his eyes slowly, completely expecting to be surrounded by flames and blistering heat. Yes, he anticipated to be stuck in…well, Heaven wouldn't have been as big of a possibility. He could feel the warmth, but to his disappointment, it was from the fireplace in the room.

Eriol's eyes went wide. He was alive. And fate was supposedly the only reason why.

"Eriol, you do know what you have to do now, don't you?" He was snapped out of his thoughts when Syaoran broke the silence.

He nodded, "Syaoran, pack your things. We're taking the earliest flight to Japan."

Tomeoda Airport

"Hurry Tomoyo! We're going to be late to pick-up Syaoran at the airport!!" Shouted an auburn-haired young woman to her best friend.

"I don't see what the rush is, we have 10 or 20 minutes left till his plane arrives." Replied Tomoyo Daidouji to her frantic companion. They had come to pick Syaoran up at the airport after his long visit to England. Something about family business...

"I don't see why Tomoyo and I had to come along too." Complained her fiancé. Junshi

Sakura wasn't really worried about her husband's well being at the time, but his companion. She was eager to see how he was doing, but concerned about how Eriol would feel after seeing Tomoyo and Junshi together, even more so when he found out they were actually _engaged_. The card mistress was worried about her friend's condition, she had always known that he liked Tomoyo since grade school, but didn't have enough guts to tell her. In short, things weren't going to turn out well. Someone was going to get hurt.

"Hiirigizawa! Japan hasn't changed that much to you, has it?" Syaoran called to the man behind him. Eriol was practically in awe at the sight before him, but it wasn't Japan. A raven-haired girl could be seen next to two very enthusiastic, brown-haired women who were frantically waving at them.

_'No sign of anyone else. Maybe the wedding was called off.'_'

The expression on Eriol's face was brightening, until a tall, dark-haired young man walked behind Tomoyo, wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her on the cheek. Right then and there, in front of him, and plainly in view. And the worst part was—to him anyway—that she seemed to enjoy it.

Eriol stopped, and immediately turned around to purchase a one-way ticket BACK to England.

"Where do you think you're going?" Eriol turned his head to look behind him. Syaoran was shooting him an if-you-don't-go-through-with-this-you'll-regret-it look.

"I left my bag in one of the compartments above my seat. So if you'll excuse me..." Eriol simply said, not caring about the way that his descendant was looking at him. If fact, he didn't care about anything at the moment. He wanted the ground to swallow him up and put him out of his misery. He wanted a mild heart attack, a meteor plowing him into the ground, anything that would kill him. He wanted to die right on the spot. He was about to retreat until he heard Nakuru, his guardian, stop him.

"Master, turn around. Don't run away. You're going to see her eventually. It is the reason why you came back, ne?"

He was going to ignore Nakuru's instructions when _her_ voice interrupted his actions.

"Whose your friend Syaoran?"

_'I still have a chance of going back unnoticed…'_ Eriol kept his head bowed down.

"Just someone that I have known for a while." Syaoran answered.

Eriol wanted to run away, something he did only once. When he first left Japan, he ran away from her. He shut his eyes tightly and tried to sprint past everyone in the direction of the booth. But he ran into something—actually—someone. Eriol knew _exactly_ who it was. He attempted to spin around and avoid colliding into her, but the rigid figure adjacent to the young women stopped him from doing so. Both Eriol and Tomoyo stumbled backward from the impact and fell to the floor. Eriol did his best to hide his face and hoped the she wouldn't recognize him when he was squinting his eyes. Using his palms to look for his glasses, he patted the floor until he felt somebody hand him his spectacles. Eriol accepted his spectacles and put them on, clearing his vision. A pair of soft, amethyst-eyes were looking at him intently...

He had to remind himself to breathe after seeing her.

Her waist-length, raven hair cascaded down her shoulders and her creamy complexion was the same. Tomoyo glowed with a charming smile and joyful eyes, wearing a sleeveless turtleneck and a stylish black skirt. She stood out from the rest of the crowd in the bustling airport terminal. Her right hand was out-stretched to him, and the sun reflected off of a ring on her forefinger.

Eriol's heart sank. Now he wished that he hadn't been so lucky back in England. That's it. It was just luck. He was just _very_ fortunate that a bullet didn't kill him.

'Just keep believing that. That's right, I was just _really_ lucky...'

"Gomen nasai," Eriol said softly, "I wasn't watching were I was going..."

"It's quite alright, but you look very familiar...have we met before?"

"I-I just have one of those faces you know..." Eriol tried his best to keep his voice from cracking. He quickly walked off before Syaoran or Sakura could force him to back. But more importantly, so Tomoyo couldn't get a better look at him.

They all watched him walk off without saying anything else, letting out sighs. Nakuru then spoke up.

"Tomoyo, it's Eriol."

"WHAT? Why didn't he say anything!?" She felt guilty for not realizing earlier.

Then, Sakura stepped in, "Don't you know! It was quite obvious when we were in grade school! He always was shy! Besides, he came to tell you that he l--"

"—Longs to see us again!" Syaoran interrupted his honey-haired wife. Sometimes she didn't know which things the person who means to say it would best. People couldn't exactly handle sudden love confessions, especially when they were getting married to someone else.

"Shouldn't we go get him then? We have over a decade's worth of catching up to do!" Tomoyo said. She was briefly suspicious of the reason why Syaoran abruptly interrupted Sakura, but she just brushed it off as their usual strange behavior.

"C'mon! He might have gotten a car already!" She continued as she started jogging toward the entrance of the airport.

Eriol was waiting impatiently in line to get a car, constantly looking over his shoulder. Normally, he wasn't like this, but with his reason to come back to Japan, he intended on getting as far away from the group right now as possible.

"Hiirgizawa-san! What are you doing?" Eriol heard a voice call out to him. It was _angry_.

"What does it look like? I'm buying a ticket." He answered, forgetting an important fact about Tomoyo when she was irate...which rarely happened now that he thought about it…

"I beg to differ," she said as she pulled him out of line.

Now he remembered, Tomoyo became **pushy** when she was mad.

"Let's go to the ICE CREAM PARLOR!" Nakuru interrupted before the young women could severely injure somebody, meaning Eriol.

Eriol sweat dropped. The mood of the group jumped from angry, to sugar-high happiness.

"Nakuru, don't give Spinel any--" but his words came too late. The moon guardian was already forcing down a large ice cream cone down the small cat's throat. Not a second later, the entire group was chasing a speeding ball of black fur around the room repeatedly apologizing while knocking over tables, chairs, and Eriol and Tomoyo's ice creams. Everyone had gone to get ice cream by demand of Nakuru, with the exclusion of Junshi, who had the run an errand at a job. After safely locking away Spinel in her purse, Tomoyo excused herself to get another ice cream.

"Sure." everyone replied, looking towards their new arrival. Eriol winced as he could feel Sakura kick his shin under the table.

"I'd better go too..." the blue-eyed boy started hurriedly toward the line to avoid any more leg injuries from Sakura and glares from the rest of the company.

But what he didn't notice was that Nakuru was outside, handing out dollar bills. Then a lot of people came in. They all went to the line. Everyone but Eriol's moon guardian didn't know what was going to happen next...

"Oof! What was that?!" apparently, the blue-haired magician bumped into Tomoyo when they were about to order. "Hey! Who's pushing back there?" As soon as he turned his back, he bumped into her again, but this time, it was fiercer than the one before. He put his arms on the counter to try and stop the pushing, but with Tomoyo in front of him, they had to be _around_ her. He could feel warmth creep up his cheeks. 'Damn! I feel like a Syaoran-act-alike!' The crowd behind Eriol and Tomoyo kept pushing, until his hands slipped because of sweat from the effort from trying to keep his distance, or it could've been because of the few inches between him and her. This caused Eriol to lose balance and fall on _top_ of Tomoyo. Unfortunately, she just _had_ turned around to look at him just before.

'Kuso...' was his reaction to the _very uncomfortable_ position he was in.

"Mmmfffmmmfff..." was the first thing that Eriol heard. It was Tomoyo, whose head was cradled protectively in his chest and covered with his forearms. His face burned, and he resembled a red-hot brand.

Apparently, before they both hit the ground, Eriol had instinctively put Tomoyo's head against his chest and cushioned her fall with his arms, which right now, hurt a lot. Lifting himself from his dominant position so she could get up, Eriol quickly made a gap of about 2 feet between him and the amethyst eyed-young woman. He felt like a Christmas light, flashing red for the past 5 minutes.

"Err...are you ok Tomoyo-san?"

"Yes, thanks to you. But, what about your arms? They must have gotten bruised." She too was a bit pink in the face, but stepped forward to get a better look at his arms anyway. Eriol maintained the two-foot gap as she advanced.

"Th-they're fine…" He swallowed loudly and hugged his arms around himself protectively, and then started to look around the room, every person in line behind them had left the ice cream parlor, and then his attention diverted when he heard Nakuru's laughter and something else she said between giggles...what was that? Eriol strained to hear what she was saying...

"Ka...ka..." Eriol went bright red when he figured out what it was.

"KAWAII???" at this point, Nakuru already got a head start toward the door as the blue-eyed boy chased her into the street.

Tomoyo giggled as she watched her childhood friend run out the door shouting threats at his guardian. He definitely changed, but what she didn't know, was that something never did...

TBC 

How was it? Better? Worse? Same? Tell me!!! The mood sort of shifts a lot; the first chapter wasn't exactly something that enlightened one's mood. Gomen for the slight OOCness. This is better, ne? If you don't review, I'm holding the next chapter as a hostage. In other words, **REVIEW OR ELSE WAIT LONGER FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER**!!!! Thank you for reading.


	3. Midnight Rendezvous

Sigh, lately I've been getting too emotional from being away from my computer for so long (6 days in the woods felt like 2 weeks...[TT---too attached]). Sigh, now that I look at the simile I used in the chapter before (look below in "Previous Chapter" section), I'm sort of disappointed in myself--it's cliched! Bad me! Bad me! .! Oh well, enough of my rambling, I better get the disclaimer over with...

**Disclaimer:** Pensieve000 is typing away at her computer. The CCS gang pops out of nowhere.

"You don't own us!"

"I know that! You don't have to rub it in!"

**Previous Chapter:**

------------------------------

Tomoyo giggled as she watched her childhood friend run out the door red as a tomato. He definitely changed, but what she didn't know, was that something never did...

------------------------------

Chapter 3: Midnight Rendezvous

The pale moonlight streamed into the rooms of the homes of the slumbering residents of the quiet town of Tomoeda. A song in night played, with its assortment of chirps from the crickets and the sounds of rushing water from outside. The beginning was simple and played softly, almost making no sound at all, then moved on to stronger, louder notes. The crescendo escalated to detailed musical measures, causing his hands to fly across the keys. The piece was drenched with emotion—sadness, confusion, and regret—all the feeling was sensed by anyone who heard it. The notes slowed, softened, and then stopped. Eriol stood up from the lone piano bench, and leaned against the window of the music room. His eyes searched the sky, watching as the ethereal lights dotted across the dark blanket.

He thoughts kept drifting back to the reoccurring dream he was having ever since he returned to Japan. He bowed his head down, bangs covering his ocean-blue eyes.

_Eriol's Dream_

_Eriol woke up in an empty field filled with peonies, dandelions, lilies, wildflowers, and poinsettias. The sky was a creamy peach color, and the setting sun shone through the clouds, forming bright pinks and yellows. Even standing up, all he could see was a sea of colors, and there was a fragrant smell of the flowers in the air. He came across a small pond, and vivid lit fireflies droned along its waters. His reflection was clearly seen in the pool, as well as his features._

_He knelt down; one arm rested on his knee, while the other gently splashed the pond surface. An eerie glow of bright colors illuminated from the bottom of the water. Startled, he backed away from the pond a step, watching its surface with curiosity. The pool rippled, and faint images formed upon the sparkling mirror. Eriol's eyes widened at what he was gazing at in the water. It was a memory. One of him and Tomoyo, those many years ago…_

_Flashback_

_The young, raven-haired girl sat on a swing of Penguin Park, her head looking down at feet. She was no more than 12 years old, dressed in an elementary school uniform. A boy walked up from behind her, concern readable in his eyes._

_"Are you alright?" He asked immediately when he saw her._

_"Oh," She said, looking up, "it's you Hiiragizwa-kun." The girl struggled to put up her mask, her defense against the world around her. "Y-yes, I'm fine."_

_"Are you sure Daidouji-san?" He could see traces of dried tears on her cheeks as she hastily tried to wipe them away._

_"…Iie, I'm not. And you can call me Tomoyo, we're not in school right now." _

_"Then, what is the matter…Tomoyo-chan?" He liked the way her name sounded rolling off of his tongue, but he would think about it later. Right now, she needed comfort._

_"It's just…I feel so alone right now. Ever since Sakura and Syaoran confessed to each other, she isn't there any more." He was Tomoyo's confident, her shoulder to cry on, her comfort. She could tell him everything; she didn't need to put up her walls, because he would just see through them anyway. She could spill out all of her feelings. Tomoyo trusted that he would keep it between them; Eriol was one who could keep a secret._

_"Really Tomoyo? You know that I'll always be here for you." He could see how pained she was; she did love Sakura. If only he had possessed that type of love, the unconditional kind._

_"Always?" She asked. She had a look of hope in her eyes._

_"Always," Eriol replied simply. He would always be there for Tomoyo when she needed him, no matter what. "I promise."_

_She leaped up and hugged him tightly. At first, he was stunned by the sudden movement, soon relaxed and stroked her hair affectionately, though she didn't notice._

_"Thank you very much Eriol…" Now, he thought about how much he liked his name when she said it. He would always be there for her—he promised at that moment he would._

_End Flashback_

_The image disappeared back into the dark depths of the water, leaving him with painful memories. It was a week or two before he left Japan. He broke his promise, and damn it, he regretted it._

_"Why did you have to leave Eriol?" A figure draped in a sundress appeared in front of him, who he recognized as Tomoyo. "Why did you have to leave me when I needed you most? You promised!" _

_Eriol was shocked; her voice echoed in his head, **'Why did you have to leave me when I needed you most!'**_

_"Tomoyo, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you! It was just—"_

_"Just what? Was it because you hated me?" Tears welled up in her eyes._

_"No," Eriol immediately responded to her words, seeing the expression on her face. "It was because I was scared that if I told you--"_

_"Scared if you told me what?" _

_"I loved you, but I was scared that I would be rejected! I still do!" He stepped forward to embrace her, but she moved away from him._

_"I hate you. So it's too late Eriol Hiiragizawa, I'm with someone who'll **always** be there for me…" Tomoyo walked away, fading as she ran along the dirt path…_

_End of Eriol's Dream_

"Can't sleep?" A light, melodious voice startled the reincarnation from his deep thoughts. Instantly, his eyes shot open and snapped his head up in surprise, hitting the back of it against the window he was leaning on. Eriol hissed and rubbed the bump, turning his head to the front of the room. As soon as the figure came into view, he stopped, and the pain from the throbbing became unknown. There, in the grand doorway of the music room, stood Tomoyo, her eyes glowing mischievously despite the dimly lit room.

Tomoyo wore a silk red nightgown, the fabric hugging each of the curves of her form, stopping at her knees. One of the straps fell to the side of her shoulder—she had been too tired to put it in its proper place. She shivered and tied her long robe closed. Her hair was somewhat messy; a few stray strands here and there. An innocent look was upon her face, as always. Her lips were curved into a small smile, looking all knowing and impish.

Knowing she let him stay at her house made him nervous enough.

After breaking out of his reverie, Eriol responded with a boyish grin, "Unfortunately, not tonight." After realizing her current state and glancing at the face of a grandfather clock on the east side of the room, then quickly asked, "I'm sorry—did I wake you up?"

"No," she replied shaking her head and giggling. "It's hard to fall asleep with Junshi's snoring." She walked to his side and cocked her head. "What's your excuse?"

He smirked and looked back to the moon. "My, my, Tomoyo-san, you sound like a child." Eriol briefly glanced at her to see her expression. She made a cute pout and put her hands on her hips.

"Are you inquiring that I'm childish?"

"Of course not." He chuckled teasingly. Seeing the slightly threatening look on her face made him quickly change it back to the original subject. "Anyways, I can't sleep simply because I've been thinking—" He stopped his sentence short. There was no way that he could flat out confess to her right now, was there?

"Thinking about what? Is there something wrong?" Tomoyo looked at him concerned, since Eriol wasn't someone who had problems. But then again, a long time ago, the case was the same for her.

Eriol thought about what he should tell her. _'How do I mildly put this, hmm? How about, 'I've been in love with you ever since we were children and I don't want you to get married.'_ Of course, he wasn't really going to say that, so he rapidly decided on something else. "Well, I've been having this reoccurring dream for a while now…"

"Maybe it's supposed to mean something? Dreams are what help us get through issues."

"That might be so…" Eriol paused, thinking back, _'I hate you. It's too late Eriol Hiiragizawa…'_ "Tomoyo," She turned her head away from the window to look at him. "Do you hate me?"

She was caught off guard by his question. Was there a reason for it? "Of course not, why would you ask such a question?"

He just shook his head. "It's nothing really. I'm just glad that you don't…Everything's so confusing now, I'm not sure about anything any more…"

"I hope everything turns out well for you Eriol-kun." She leaned against him, using her friend as support. Being up at this hour didn't make her any sleepier than she was a few hours before.

"Is there anything you want me to play? On the piano I mean." He tried to move to somewhere where it would give him more space. He moved to the piano bench; the sudden 'closeness' with Tomoyo made him uncomfortable.

"Nothing in particular…" She whispered, covering her mouth to yawn and took a place on the bench.

So he chose a soft melody, playing soft notes to compliment the peaceful scenery outside. Again, music weaved throughout the mansion, but this time, it was gentle and calm, unlike before when it was full of sadness and frustration. The last few notes played quietly, and Eriol looked to where Tomoyo sat beside him. It was only then that he realized that she had fallen asleep to the song, with her head rested on his shoulder. He smiled to himself, thinking that this was the closest he would ever be to her.

He had his arms around her—strictly for support, he told himself. Her tresses framed her face and the expression she had on proved her to be quite content at the moment. The strap of her dress was still off her shoulder. He pulled it back up.

Eriol scooped her up in his arms, and started for the upstairs. Besides, it was time that she went to bed, both of them actually. She nestled herself snugly in his arms, resting her head on the crook of his neck, and her hand on his chest. Eriol smiled, but it fell when a glint came from the small silver ring on her hand. It was then he had remembered that life wasn't well. He wasn't with Tomoyo. They weren't getting married. Heck, she didn't even know that he loved her. Reality splashed on him like a cold bucket of water—she was going to be wed to someone else, and he lost. And, things could've been different, perhaps if only he had told her how much he loved her when they were in elementary. Eriol shook his head vehemently since he never liked dwelling on the past, especially when it concerned her.

He brought Tomoyo to her room. She was still being carried and asleep, and he tried not to wake Junshi up. He lowered her onto the bed and pulled the covers to her chin, taking a look at her before leaving.

Just looking at her made his heart flutter. Just looking at Tomoyo made him happier. When he was a boy, he had been stripped of his childhood before it even began because of Clow's past, causing him grief. But Tomoyo, she seemed to take it all away; with her smile, her warmth, and the unmistakable aura that floated around her. Whenever Eriol saw her, the pain seemed to just…dissipate. She was the only one who made all of his pain—from the past few years, or his previous life as Clow Reed—go away. The thought painfully tugged at his heart—their relationship was platonic, and would remain so after she got married.

With that thought lingering on his mind, he ran quietly out of the room. He just wanted to lose himself—think of anything—except for the bond with himself and Tomoyo.

**

TBC

**

I didn't really like this chapter. I think it was because of the italics in the dream/flashback sequence--or maybe it's just because it was written a while ago and the style sucks -.-;;. I'm sorry if the italics made it hard for you guys to read. And to stop the confusion this chapter caused, Eriol is staying at Tomoyo's house (weird, I know -.-;;).  The fourth chapter is coming, just wait and see! If the honorifics said from Eriol to Tomoyo changes, I want to apologize in advance. Anyway, I feel like I should hurt myself, I mean, Tomoyo and **someone besides Eriol**???? Anyway, **review or wait what seems like forever for the next chapter**!


	4. A New Promise with Old Memories

**Disclaimer:** I don't own CCS, CLAMP does. But I do own this nifty box of Kit-kats.

…

Actually, I don't even own that. -.-;;

**Previous Chapter:  
**------------------------------  
He just wanted to lose himself—Eriol wanted to think of anything—except for the bond with himself and Tomoyo.  
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Chapter 4: A New Promise with Old Memories

It was not soon after putting Tomoyo to sleep that Eriol found himself at a bar, chugging a beer. The effects of the alcohol took awhile to haze his senses. _'More drinking, less thinking…'_ Eriol reminisced on the reason why he had arrived at the tavern anyway. He just tried to shake it away and took another swig of his whiskey.

"Sir, are you okay?" The voice of the barkeep was directed at him. Eriol responded with a bitter chuckle.

"Do I look okay to you?" His eyes stared dazedly into his drink before lifting it to his lips.

"Perhaps I can help you? Bartenders are always good to talk to." Eriol thought over the last comment, and the man did have a point: Besides, he needed someone to talk to anyway.

"…You see…there's a girl," He shook his head, changing his decision. "Never mind, I shouldn't have brought it up...."

The barkeep nodded his head, "No, no, go on. A girl?"

Eriol began feeling better, he hadn't had anyone to comfort him since Kaho had—how long had it been? 8, maybe 9 years? "Well, I've known her since we were about eleven or twelve, but I've been in England for the past decade or so. And…" He hesitated, unsure if he should tell a complete stranger, "I love her—a lot. But she doesn't know how I feel…"

The bartender looked up at his customer as realization dawned on him. "So you don't know how to tell her, eh?"

Eriol took another swill of his alcohol. "…That, and…umm…you see…" He wasn't absolutely sure how he could phrase the current situation he was in. Maybe being blunt would work? Taking a deep breath, the blue-eyed man continued, "The reason I came back to Japan was for her wedding."

The barkeep stopped polishing the whiskey glass he was wiping.

A long pause followed.

SMACK!!

"ITAI!! What was that for?!" Eriol exclaimed whilst rubbing the back of his head. Apparently, the bartender had whipped him with his towel. Which, evidently, was twisted up as a rat-tail.

"That lad," He started his explanation simply. "Was to check if your head would make a hollow sound! Your so darn dense if you don't mind me saying! You should always take a chance to tell her when it's completely open for the taking!" The barkeep massaged his temples in frustration and whispered a few profanities that Eriol couldn't quite make out. "I know I would do something about it, and the choice seems pretty obvious!"

Eriol looked skeptically at the brown-haired man, earning a sigh. "Why do you have to make me walk you through everything? Just tell her how you feel. You always still have a chance!"

Eriol looked back down into his drink. "I'm…afraid."

"Of what lad?"

"Rejection."

The bartender looked at the magician with his brown eyes and an eyebrow raised. Taking a deep breath, the brown-haired man spoke. "Would you rather have her know or not? Would you want her to know that you care for her that much? What if you **_did_** have a chance? You'll never know until you try. It wouldn't matter if your ego would get bruised, because she would at least know how you feel!" The barkeep put down the glass. "I got to serve other customers, so good luck to you." And with that, Eriol was once again left alone with his liquor. The reincarnate left a large tip in the jar on the counter and went back home—but put more accurately, Tomoyo's home.

_Dear Tomoyo,_

_I guess if you're reading this, you'll never know hear me say it. How much I **really** cared for you. You were the first person to make me act this way—in both my lifetimes. It's true—Clow Reed never fell so blindly for someone._

Eriol stopped writing and wadded up the paper, throwing it into the overflowing trash can in the corner. Her ran his hands in his hair looking at a new sheet of paper. Everything that he wrote didn't seem to be the right words. He started writing again.

_Dear Tomoyo,_

_I wonder now about what the requirements to obtain happiness are. What things we need to do or accomplish to live a happy life. I wish to know what I should have done before in Japan. Maybe I did something wrong in Tomeoda, because I was lucky enough to meet you. Japan—that's where I made my mistake. I left the country, the people--you. Loving you was probably the best thing that ever happened to me._

Eriol gave a groan of frustration: he had never made so many attempts to write a single letter. The freshly written message ended up in the bin: or in better terms, on the floor. And so did the next one. And the next one. And the one after that.

_'This is going to be harder than I thought…'_

She tried to turn the knob. It was still locked. It's been three days since Eriol had barricaded himself in his quarters, insisting that no one enter his room. It worried Tomoyo: he wasn't accepting meals—saying that they 'distracted him from his work'. He magically sealed the lock, keeping the keys to the door from opening it. The raven-haired lass knocked on the door quietly.

"Yes?" answered the baritone voice behind the door.

"Eriol-kun, come out."

"…No."

"You'll starve if you don't open the door to accept meals."

A chuckle came from the other side. "Tomoyo-san, you know that I can magic some food to eat."

"What about a companion? Won't you need someone to converse with?"

"Am I not conversing with you behind the door?"

"There certainly isn't anything to entertain yourself in there, is there?"

"Reading is something I can always do, and a full bookcase is sitting in the corner."

"Will you always remain to be a bibliophile Eriol-kun?"

"Perhaps not; if something interesting comes my way, I'll look up from my book once in a while.

"Is a cup of coffee at the local café interesting enough?"

There was a prolonged silence between them.

"…I'll get my coat."

"Sugoi!" the raven-haired girl shouted, punching a fist into the air.

He stepped out of his room for the first time in days. He was dressed in a claret red shirt, with a complementary beige blazer and slacks—a large contrast compared to his eyes and midnight-blue hair. Eriol's shadowy blue pools hidden behind his wire-rimmed glasses, and she noticed that they lacked the boyish twinkle they had possessed in their elementary days.

He looked at her expectedly. "Well, aren't we going?"

"Of course!" She energetically snatched his wrist and dragged him out the door.

"Isn't the fresh air rejuvenating?" The amethyst-eyed girl twirled around as the autumn breeze caused her hair to blow across her face.

"Yes, it is. But Tomoyo-san, please explain to me again _why_ we're _walking_ to the café?" The blue-eyed boy asked.

She tucked the stray strands of hair behind her ear, letting out an exasperated sigh, "Exercise is good for you Eriol-kun. You wouldn't want to pick up a large belly, would you?" She teasingly answered, playfully nudging his abdomen with her elbow.

He managed a small laugh and continued to look at the ground. His eyes, drifted away, and revealed that his thoughts were elsewhere.

"What's on your mind Eriol-kun?" Tomoyo asked, obviously puzzled by his lacking response.

He sighed audibly, "It's just that I've been thinking about what I've missed in Japan over the past decade. I can imagine numerous important things happening here with you guys. Junior high, high school, driving lessons and tests, prom, graduation, first dates, college, the many parties that you attend during college, college graduation, …Well, you get the point. I missed quite a few significant happenings in your lives. I didn't even attend Sakura and Syaoran's wedding! Now I feel kind of guilty for not being there. It makes me wonder how it would be like if I stayed in Japan…"

_'That's right. If you weren't a coward and stayed in Japan, maybe, just maybe, she would know…'_ A voice in the back of his head commented, before quickly fading away.

"We can't change our actions that were made before, we can only accept what they have brought us now. We can only change the future, not the past. What we do now affects what will come. Besides, it's not as if anything needs to be changed, is there? All of us are content with the lives that we have, aren't you Eriol-kun?" Tomoyo answered with her eyes on the ground, hands at her side.

"That's a very good question Tomoyo-san. I don't really know if I am happy with my life now. Sometimes I feel like there's something missing, but I don't know what. Power, revenge, another purpose Clow Reed has for me? I've lost most of my magic, so I don't know what the answer is. The truth is, I'm in a bit of a pinch." He answered, half truthfully: he actually _did_ know what was missing—the double-edged sword of love—and he was in a tight squeeze—how's he going to tell someone who's about to get married that he loved her since elementary school?

She looked at him with concerned eyes, tilting her head to one side. "Is there anything that I can do to help?"

"I'm fine. Really." He replied reassuringly, giving Tomoyo a warm smile.

"If you say so." She returned with a small, comforting expression of her own. She stopped walking. "We're here Eriol-kun." Her delicate hand motioned towards the coffee shop they were standing in front of.

He glanced at the old wooden sign hanging by the entrance, which read, _Cariñoso Cafe_. "Shall we?" Eriol asked smoothly, holding his arm out for her to take.

She laughed at his antics before hooking her arm with his, and they both pushed open the doors of the quaint coffee shop.

**TBC**

Another really late update…sorry ;;. Anyway, this chapter isn't as bad as the last one—it only sucks in the beginning half and half of the second half (Couldn't that also be said as last quarter? Why do I make things so complicated? -.-;;) in my opinion. So basically the only part that I was satisfied with in this chapter was the conversation when Eriol locked himself in his room. Damn my poor style from before! . ! I was also amazed that authors whose fics I've read reviewed.

Me: :: unenthusiastically reads reviews' expecting flames::

…Whoa…**:o**…

:: does a dance around the room:: Hooray!!! w

::sister walks by:: o.O What're you doing?

Me: Ce-la-brate good times come on! Doo doo do do do doo doo do do...

Sister: o.O

(**:o** = "Amazed" face.  
XP = Has no idea why she's putting this note here.)


	5. Small Talk

This chapter kicked my ass. It took the longest to write -.-;;. I spent hours in front of my computer only to get a few lines down. A couple of days ago, a miracle happened—I wrote a page of it! Then it went back to the slow pace the next day -.-;;.I'm suffering from very severe writer's block--more severe than it ever has. Hopefully it won't be too much to discontinue this fic. I'd hate to do that to everyone waiting on this story to see the outcome. T.T

In the end, I'm very satisfied with how it turned out. Happy reading, and don't forget to review.

**Previous Chapter:**

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She laughed at his antics before hooking her arm with his, and they both pushed open the doors of the quaint coffee shop.

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Chapter 5: Small Talk

"I'm just curious," Tomoyo began, put down her cup of coffee and stroked the pastel pink lipstick mark she had left. "What has been happening in the life the reincarnation of Clow Reed? More magic?"

Eriol averted his attention from the window displaying the passersby of the small coffee shop. "Only once in a while. Sometimes its necessary to keep my own sanity."

A look of puzzlement grew on her flawless features, and one finely sculpted eyebrow quirked up in question.

As if on cue, a small crash was heard throughout the café, turning the heads of the individuals inside. Two people had bumped into each other, causing sugar packets and miniature cartons of cream to fly everywhere. The man helped the woman up from the mess-laden floor, both blushing from embarrassment.

Tomoyo shifted her attention back to the mischievous sorcerer sitting with her, who was smirking at the 'accident' that took place. "So you still use your magic to manipulate events, just like you did with Sakura to change the Clow cards?"

A mysterious glint flashed on the surface of his wire-rimmed glasses. "Of course. But it's only to give them a little push into the right direction of a good relationship. Besides, it's what they want. A little peek into what they're thinking tells me that. My hunches nag at me if I don't do it."

"So that makes you quite the little matchmaker, ne? It brings about the thought about how many couples you've put together." She brought her finger to her chin to make a 'musing' pose.

"I've also been a substitute teacher for a bit. The kids remind me of the times when we attended the elementary school. Along with the enticing fights involving the cards."

She laughed lightly, "I especially remember the times you used me in a few events, particularly the one involving the piano. You _must_ remember that one," Tomoyo said looking at him expectantly. Eriol let out a nervous chuckle—which rarely happened to him nowadays—before clearing his throat to answer.

"You know I truly apologize for that incident." He clasped her hands for more effect, and added an irresistible lost-puppy look. "Please forgive me for causing that little occurrence."

Tomoyo rolled her eyes at his childishness and withdrew her hands. "Naturally. But don't think its because you look cute with that look on your face."

"Really? You think I look cute?" Eriol exclaimed, exaggerating his expression even more.

She giggled, covering her mouth with one hand. It was almost absurd to think that he seemed more mature when they were in Terada-sensei's class. "Yes. Now stop looking at me like that." She couldn't help but smile at him.

And it was that smile that took his breath away. It was her eyes that his wanted to meet. It was her selflessness that amazed him. And Tomoyo was the same girl that he knew back then, in essence anyway. Except now, she had someone who loved her. Junshi. And she loved him too. Supposedly. Well, she was engaged. Damn it, why did he always have to think about that? His eyes drifted back to the large windows in the room, mind deep in thought.

"Is there something wrong Eriol-kun?" Tomoyo tilted her head forward, trying to look into his eyes.

Eriol turned back to her, attempting to speak with as much reassurance as he could. "Of course not. I'm just thinking a bit. Why do you ask?"

She hesitated to answer, and nibbled on her lower lip. She didn't want to seem to be prying into his personal affairs. "You seem…to be wandering off somewhere else. Your attention strays from everything around you. Constantly distracted is a way to put it. Is there something bothering you?" Her eyes were etched with concern and worry.

He was quick to make an excuse. "Not really, I'm just looking forward to a few things that I left in Japan."

Tomoyo nodded her head, but inside she was thinking,_ 'What is it that you're hiding Eriol-kun? Don't you trust me? Is it too painful to talk about?'_

"How's Kaho-sensei?" She asked, attempting to probe into his mind. She watched him intently, but his expression didn't falter or flinch.

"She married a fellow she met at a bookstore. A good man to be sure. Last time I heard, they were living happily with their 3 children." He smiled. He watched as Tomoyo drew a surprised expression on her face, and then hesitated with another answer.

"But I thought…" She stopped in mid-sentence to rephrase her words. "Weren't you with Mizuki-sensei before?"

"That _is_ true. I was with her for a prolonged period of time, but that was in the past. Our ages…were too far apart." A confused expression came on her face, and encouraged him to elaborate on the subject. "It is true that Clow Reed lives in me, but that does not make me him. He and I are two different entities—just because he was an equal age with Kaho, doesn't mean that I was as well. Put simply, I am Eriol Hiiragizawa—not another Clow Reed."

"Finally, we're getting into the subject of your love life." She smirked mischievously as his cheeks warmed and eyes widened in mock terror.

"Must we? It isn't that interesting of a subject…" He smiled a bit and laughed with a hint of nervousness—damn, he had tried to cover it up!

She put a hand up and shook her head. "Nonsense. Any subject concerning my friends interests me." Nothing could stop her now!

But with the exception of a certain circumstance, of course.

Just then, the entrance of the café opened abruptly, and attention centered on an auburn-haired young woman. She spotted them and made her way to their table, almost skipping, and set herself in the seat next to Tomoyo.

"Sakura-chan," Eriol greeted. "How are you doing? I haven't been able to speak to you that much since I arrived here."

She laughed merrily. "That's right! We should arrange something, so everyone can learn about what you've been doing the last decade or so. —'_And maybe then you can finally tell her how you feel, Eriol-kun.' _She thought.

Tomoyo sighed—she was so close to finding out some juicy secret of Eriol's! But, it could wait for a few days she supposed. After all, her wedding would be coming in a few months, and he probably would stay around to make up for lost time. Besides, she didn't have her video camera with her at the moment—praise Sakura for giving her a chance to record wondrous footage of their English friend!

Eriol smiled and agreed to Sakura's idea, relieved that the spotlight was off of him for the moment. But he knew that when the time came that everyone was present, he would be pressured to confess his feelings. Sadly, all he knew about how he would tell her was that it had to be discreet and not too sudden. "But when do you think everyone can meet at one place? I'm sure we'll have some trouble finding a day where we all have time for some leisure." He questioned, creasing his forehead in thought.

"Don't worry Eriol-kun! Just leave everything to Tomoyo and me!" She started pushing him out the door—a playful smile prominently showing on her face—but stopped midway. "Oh! And don't forget to tell us when you're available too!" After nearly heaving her friend out the entrance, she then proceeded to talk to Tomoyo alone.

"Sakura-chan, did you have to throw him out the door?" She tried to ask sternly, but a smile of her own appeared as well.

"Don't worry about it! Now we can have woman-to-woman talk!"

She smiled. It had been a while, and they could discuss important things together—what's been bothering them recently to their love lives.

"So it's good to see Eriol-kun now that he's been gone all these years, ne?"

"Of course. I received a few letters every couple months from him over the years."

"If I remember correctly, you would always get especially excited when you received those letters. Isn't that right?"

"Well, that is true…" Her words trailed off as she fidgeted nervously with her hair. She didn't like where this conversation was going.

"And I also remember that you liked him when we were in elementary. As in, a little bit more than a friend?" Sakura pressed the subject more and smiled impishly as she watched Tomoyo turn a slight pink.

"I-it was a childish crush." She didn't think that Sakura would remember such a thing. And bring it up after he was just there no matter!

"But you acted exactly like I did when Syaoran went to Hong Kong."

Tomoyo eyed her best friend suspiciously, but failed to fight off her blush before doing so. "Are you suggesting something, Sakura-chan?"

"What do you mean?" Emerald eyes sparkled innocently.

"There's a reason why you want to have this 'woman-to-woman' talk." She made a cautious pause. "Well, are you?"

Her best friend expelled a deep sigh, dropping her shoulders a bit. "I don't know any other way to ask you this, but," the pause made Tomoyo uneasy. "Why do you love Akushiro-kun? Do you know if he's really the right man?"

The question shocked her—how could Sakura ask such a question? But now that she thought about it, there wasn't a specific reason why she was marrying Junshi. If she remembered correctly, they were together almost a year before he proposed, making it almost 2 years being a couple. But what compelled her to accept it? The memory was clear, but her feelings at that time were a little blurry. Why _had_ she accepted?

"Well, do you know?" Sakura's voice broke her away from her thoughts.

Tomoyo bit her lip. "I don't know Sakura-chan. I really don't know."

She almost jumped in her seat. _"There's hope for Eriol-kun!" _But the only problem was getting her to come to her senses, and get out of the engagement as well.

Tomoyo finished her answer, "But I know that Junshi can take care of me, and love me. And I know because of that, I want to marry him."

"But Tomoyo, is that the kind of answer you should be giving?"

"Do you not want me to get married to Junshi?"

She bit down on her lip. When the idea was put that way, it made her feel guilty. "I just want to you make sure if he is the right one for you. That's all."

"Sakura-chan," she shook her head and breathed out deeply. "I choose who I want to marry. No one else does. And I chose Junshi. As my best friend for nearly all my life, can't you be more trusting in what I do?"

She smiled softly and nodded. "Of course, Tomoyo. Of course I will." Her smile turned roguish, "By the way, I couldn't help but notice that you and Eriol were getting along so well before I came in…"

"Sakura," she said warningly, "don't even try it."

Her hands went up, "Sorry!"

**TBC**


End file.
